The reality of this hike is starting to set in now that i’m doing the rounds and seeing everyone off. Saturday i said goodbye to a handful of friends, Sunday was Easter so i said goodbye to my uncle, grandma, and her ancient dog, and today and tomorrow i’m seeing some friends who live here in MI.
here’s my grandma’s ancient dog, since we were all leaving he didn’t want to stand still for a good picture and I didn’t want him to lecture me about kids these days and their smartphones
The sentiment is usually the same. Please don’t die, this is a life changing adventure, how do you eat, will you post pictures, or a combination of all of these. Shoutouts to the guy who got coffee right as i was leaving work for the last time who told me that this will make me into a man before backtracking a lot with “not to say you aren’t a man now” over and over again.
I got presents from some of my regulars. Money from one and a bindle. Not too sure how that made me feel though, i don’t exactly like getting presents from friends and family, let alone people that i give drugs too. I do see some of them more than friends and family, but like who the hell am i? That’s a sentiment I regularly feel, especially when i’m writing. There are so many people all over the world all doing so many things, living so many different lives. I get how that means that i have a special perspective and interpretation of the world that is all my own, but like who even cares?
also my sister got me a silly walk in a video game. shoutout to moons-over-my-hammy, the fated hero of tamriel who was suffering from crippling depression but now is really coming out of his shell
Of course i was writing that before having finished doing all my rounds. Between then and now my work wife planned a surprise going away party for me. I got cards, cupcakes, food, gift cards, and my boss paid for everyone’s dinner. I’ve gotten a lot of love in the past week, more than i’ve gotten in the past when i left jobs or when i went out on the AT. It feels nice and weird. I’m not a fan of how much stuff i had in my possession at the end of that night though, i have enough stuff as it is. I was gifted a solid couple days of food though so that’s not too bad.
hi biggby crew also a customer is it okay if i use real human names on here
Now i’m sitting in the airport waiting for my flight to my 3 hour layover to my following flight. I’ve got that good nervous feeling going in my chest, the same thing i get every time i’m shipping out to some change in lifestyle. I don’t exactly recall how i was feeling when i was on the bus going to Georgia for the AT, i think i was more in shock, like i had no idea what to expect or if i could pull it off. I still feel that way now even though i do kind of know what to expect. Not in a “i’m gonna bail” sort of way, i’m definitely doing this. But when i was looking ahead in my AT guidebook at the final slope up Katahdin, or at how imposing the climbs in the Whites were, it never felt like i was going to get there until one day eventually i was there. It was hard physically, but ultimately i had to just keep existing out there and eventually i made it.
Rereading that sure looks like i’m all set to pound out another long trail but boy i still got that little bit of shake hanging out in my chest. Thinking about all the humans i told about doing this puts the pressure on for sure, i felt that on the AT. What will have to happen to me to make me need to stop a thru hike? Hopefully not something fatal, i’ve got too many people who said they’d kick my ass if i die out here.
shout into that void, past gadget. future gadget here again from 2022 making sure these earliest fields i sowed still provide nourishment. first time being back in these moments with these words so i started where a proper story should.
luv u miss u biggby crew
-keep existing and eventually i made it- -have to happen to me to need to stop a thru hike- spoilers i hopped off trail to pursue a more personal caliber of adventure, free of the shackles of the thru-hiker brand of freedom. tunnel vison perhaps? standing at a tale’s terminus sure sets the mind alight
man i dunno 